my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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