Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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