Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
