Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
