for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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