You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize