Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
