i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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