I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
