This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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