I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
