what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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