I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
