get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
