do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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