Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
