I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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