explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
