he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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