My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
