Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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