omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
its not stalking. its research.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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