She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
