i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize