im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Come share oat with me in your robe
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
