It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
