her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
