I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
