Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
