Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
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