I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
