i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
