$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
