I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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