The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
