I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize