i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
