just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
