I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
