i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I showed him my bush... on skype.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
