I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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