smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
