When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
