porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
