I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
