I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I am spending my child support on dildos
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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