I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize