You smell like stripper and shame
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
