yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
