She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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