That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
