Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize