i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
