dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
