DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
