I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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