belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
