Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
