just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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