By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
