cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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