It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
